BF (Birth Father) is out of jail---AGAIN.  I think this time he was in for around 9 months-- I don't know.  I lose track.  I do know that I was dreading the day he got out. I don't know if I have shared this, but his family lives right around the corner from us.

Now, you need to know that I don't think BF is a bad guy.  I think he is a lost soul that has never had anyone set a good example for him.  But he is an adult now--22 years old.  He is old enough to know right from wrong, and to know he needs to make the RIGHT choices.  He has a sweet little boy face, with huge brown eyes, and he talks so innocently that it's easy to feel sorry for him.  Well, it was at first.  

There are a few reasons why him being out is hard.  

1.  Visitations.   This is easier at the moment than it was before he went back to jail, just because we have decided to limit his visits to every other Sunday for 3 hours.

Our reason for this is that before this last trip to jail we were pretty open to visits whenever he asked if we were home.  Wee One liked their visits together, and they had many.
            Then they started getting further apart as he started using again.  
                …

Read more

Cheese!

People think she is older than she is-- partly because she is a little tall for her age, but mostly because of how smart she is.  

I know what you are thinking: "Every Grandparent thinks their grandchild is a genius!"  You are right,they do.  BUT Wee one is one of the smartest little people I have ever met!  I know there are way more gifted babes out there in the world, but like I said…I have never met one.  Seriously.  

One of the things that makes her abnormal is the fact that she understands, and has understood, concepts that I should be trying to teach her, such as; hot vs. warm vs. cold.  She knows the difference.  She will even say, "this is a little too hot, can we make it warm?"  
She knows up from down, in from out.  
She can draw W's, make circles, and put her own shoes on.  
She uses full sentences.  The longest I have counted was around 12 words! Crazy stuff for a wee one that isn't even 2 yet!  

Don't get me wrong, she isn't one of those kids that can recite all 50 states, or that knows every letter of the alphabet.  And she doesn't always say exactly what she means, for example (These are a few of my favorites…)

'Should we take her boots of…

Read more

Keith with our four kids after his surgery.

No matter how deep you bury it, it never completely goes away.  I'm not talking about the memories of the person, I'm talking about the memories of the cancer.  

Jess and i went to see a movie last night titled 50/50.  It started off a little uncomfortably with some foul language and uncomfortable scenes, but then it got really good.  We laughed, we cried... then we cried some more.

Jessie and I were some of the last to be sitting in the theater after the movie ended, both of us with our eyes still wet, staring straight ahead at the screen.  

Keith is often in my thoughts.  When I look at one of the kids and see his smile, when I look at Tanner and he is raising his eyebrows just like his dad used to... When I have flashes into the past that  a photo, a place, or a song has sparked.  These are the good thoughts, the good memories...the ones that make you warm, and happy.

Some of the scenes in the movie made me feel like I was right back in the moment... Sitting with Keith when we found out that he had cancer.   The way the world starts spinning, and the words being spoken become muted.  

The way you walk through your days in a …

Read more